This is what I mean by erasure

This is one of the most upsetting and triggering things I have ever read. It is one of the reasons why I put in time I have not got on a committee dealing with institutional transphobia in acute care; it is why so many of the trans people you, gentle cis reader, know get so angry about misgendering.

It is a very specific example of how there are forces in our society that want those of us who are LGBT or just difficult to go away, to be disappeared, to never have been.


About rozkaveney

Middleaged, trans, novelist, poet, activist
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18 Responses to This is what I mean by erasure

  1. cmcmck says:

    Saw this on Sarah’s blog.

    Gah! Just gah!


  2. That is unspeakable. Poor woman.

  3. jessie_c says:

    Her family are saying “I reject your reality and substitute my own”. And they have the gall to call us crazy.

  4. martyn44 says:

    Roz, I have been boiling with rage, frustration and impotence in the hours since I read that. Can you please tell me where I am wrong. We all of us have an inalienable right to be who we are, male, female, either, neither, both. There is no right. There is no wrong. There only is. The vast majority of us are comfortable with the bodies and psyches given to us when we are conceived. Lucky us. Some of us aren’t. They have a much more difficult road to walk. You don’t need me to tell you that. They are entitled to whatever help the rest of us can give because . . . well, that’s what being human is about. I am a white, middle aged, middle class father of kids, one of whom is called Melissa. My duty has been and will remain to help them be the most fulfilled individuals they can be, whatever their choices. They don’t need my approval. My approval is irrelevant. To me, Melissa’s family have betrayed and abused the most fundamental obligation of trust that can exist between a parent and child, a child who is no longer a child but an adult who has made her own choices. The only word I can find is barbaric.

    All I can do is hope and (yes) pray that this Melissa finds the strength and resolution to be restored to herself, and that no more of our brothers and sisters are subjected to such atrocity.

  5. ibnfirnas says:

    I’m sorry to have triggered you, Roz. Seeing the work you’re already doing on the matter, I imagine you know better than most of us why I felt the need to write that piece, and I hope you’re taking good care of yourself.
    Thank you for what you have already done and are doing. Our community needs every little bit we can muster.

    • rozkaveney says:

      Sometimes we need to be triggered because from that pain comes activism and art and some other good things. Among them, the realization that you are on LJ, that I can friend you, and that I can be in closer touch with one of the wisest people in our community.

      • ibnfirnas says:

        That’s a very kind thing to say, and it means a lot coming from you. I’m just a baby in this community, and you’ve been fighting for me since before I knew my own name.
        I don’t use the LJ much these days–hell, I think I started the blog so I could stop spamming my friendslist with longwinded sermons and do it somewhere quiet and private. Funny how that turned out.

    • jessie_c says:

      Thank you for writing it. It was difficult to read and must have been hell to write but it so needed to be done. Is there a way of getting it out into the cis sphere?

      • rozkaveney says:

        I’ve tweeted it, and some people are picking it up from there, including cis folk.

      • ex_voz_lati says:

        I have passed it along to the #LATism crowd, and two of the leaders are on the case. Also, I sent it along tosome of the Latina Repro justice advocates I know, but I have been advising trans women to stay away.

        I have since blocked QT, and will not be returning tho. That was too much even for me.

      • ibnfirnas says:

        Part of the difficulty of it was worrying about a: retraumatizing her friends, and b: it getting back to the family and possibly making things worse. But we’ll see. I just…I want people to understand, and I want our people safe.

      • ex_drakyn says:

        I posted it to my facebook where most of my friends are for farmville…

  6. geekyisgood says:

    Thanks for passing it on – it’s just horrifying.

  7. kraken_wakes says:

    Thank you for sharing this. (I had more, a lot more, but I really can’t put it into words, so I won’t try).

  8. gonzo21 says:

    As one of those gentle cis readers, who is, I hope, more informed than many, thank you for this link. I mean, I understand why, but words like those really make me feel it, in a very powerful and clear way. Which helps me understand more deeply. The outrage, the pain. Which I share.

  9. That post makes me so angry and so very sad for that poor woman.

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