Another section of the big Hitchens poem

3 Kiplingesque

Oh I went into a bar where smart right-wingers hang about
and the editor of Commentary said ‘throw the Commie out’
O’Rourke and Coulter snickered and I blushed down to my toes
Face red, if not my politics – though I write better prose.

Oh it’s Trotsky this and godless that
and drunken Limey queer
but it’s thankyou Mr Hitchens
when there’s Presidents to smear
there’s Presidents to smear, boys, there’s Presidents to smear
It’s thankyou Mr Hitchens when there’s Presidents to smear.

It was the end of History and I was on the wrong side.
I helped impeach a President who’d screwed around and lied
I strutted round the Beltway like a million-dollar whore
But I didn’t get my payday til the Iraqi War

Oh it’s socialist and Eurotrash
and drunken Limey fop
but it’s thankyou Mr Hitchens
when the bombs begin to drop etc.

Yes, ignoring literate writing pays when getting right wing votes
but you need the likes of me to stab my pen in people’s throats
and when killing brown civilians is the order of the day
you need someone who’ll quote Camus for surprising modest pay

Oh it’s dandy English stylist
with morals far too loose
but it’s thank you Mr Hitchens
when there’s peaceniks to abuse etc

I’ll line up Martin Amis and Salman to the fight
Orwell would have agreed with us, ‘coz he was always right
Don’t think that I’ll add Austen or De Beauvoir to the mix
I only talk of girls when I slag off the Dixie Chicks

Oh it’s Vidal’s heir and Bellow’s chum
Around the praise game whirls
And it’s thankyou Mr Hitchens
But we’ll ignore the girls etc

I went to British public school, which is a Fascist state.
Taught me who to suck up to and taught Orwell whom to hate
I’m Jewish, bi-ish, left but moving rightwards every day
Down with british dithering reborn in the USA

And here’s the song they sing for me
the whole damn rightwing choir
Hoorah for Mr Hitchens
A Patriot for hire etc.


About rozkaveney

Middleaged, trans, novelist, poet, activist
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6 Responses to Another section of the big Hitchens poem

  1. paratti says:

    Now I really want to see what you do with ‘Watch the Wall, my Darling’ possibly with the Murdoch things.

  2. *speechless*

    May I link this? It is a scrimshaw-handled straight razor: rare, elegant and viciously sharp.

  3. communicator says:

    This is really good, thank you

  4. cmcmck says:


    There happens to be a fine tune to ‘Tommy’ so I’m more than a little tempted…….. :oD

  5. cluegirl says:

    I just had to sing this aloud when I saw it. Cyrene approved of the whole thing, and I have to admit to being a tiny bit relieved not to be salient on the matter of this Mr Hitchens — he sounds like a make-Clue-froth-at-the-mouth sort of fellow.

    Nicely done!

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