By request the first Catullus in ages – he’s just as obnoxious as ever

97

He stinks so bad, good gods, that I confuse
His arsehole and his mouth. Both so unclean
I hate to think just where they both have been.
An awful thought – if I were forced to choose

I’d have to kiss his arse. It doesn’t bite.
With horse-sized rotting teeth and bleeding gums
or gape like some she-donkey’s quim that comes
and drips. And yet he gets laid every night

or so he says. Perhaps he has some charm
for girls that I don’t see. Gods, make him grind
yoked at some mill, nose stuck to her behind
the she-ass. You, the cutie on his arm,

rather than have to kiss the likes of him
pick some blood-stinking torturer to rim!

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About rozkaveney

Middleaged, trans, novelist, poet, activist
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4 Responses to By request the first Catullus in ages – he’s just as obnoxious as ever

  1. cmcmck says:

    I haven’t seen ‘quim’ used in anger for years! :o)

  2. hairyears says:

    Thank you, that has brightened my day.

    The (very) little Latin that I have, comes from the passages marked “and is best left untranslated” in Juvenal’s fifth Satire, on women (Penguin edition, translated, with commentary for the literarily-challenged).

    Clearly I should revisit my classical studies…

    …And you should consider publishing The Unexpurgated Worst of Catullus.

  3. lokifan says:

    Haha, this is DELIGHTFUL.

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